That moment when you're matched with someone new—the cursor blinks in the message box, and you wonder: "What should I say?" The first message sets the tone for the entire conversation. A great opener leads to engaging dialogue; a weak one might end the chat before it begins. Here's how to craft first messages that spark real connections.
Avoid the Generic "Hi"
"Hey," "Hi," "Hello"—these openers are so common they've become conversation killers. They place the burden of continuing the chat entirely on the other person. While politeness is good, a generic greeting doesn't give them much to work with. They might simply reply "hi" back, and you're back to square one.
Observe and Reference Something Specific
In video chat, you have immediate visual cues. Use them! Notice something about their environment, expression, or what they're doing (if they've already turned on camera). For example:
- "I love your background—that's a great bookshelf!"
- "You have a really friendly smile."
- "That's a cool shirt—where are you from originally?"
Specific compliments show you're paying attention and create a natural segue into conversation.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Closed questions (those that can be answered with "yes" or "no") stall conversations. Instead, ask open-ended questions that invite elaboration:
- Instead of: "Do you like music?"
- Try: "What kind of music are you into lately? I'm always looking for new recommendations."
Open-ended questions encourage sharing and give you material to continue the conversation.
Share Something About Yourself
Reciprocity is powerful. Along with a question, offer a snippet of your own experience. This creates a balanced exchange and makes the other person more comfortable opening up.
"I just got back from a walk—trying to get more steps in. Do you enjoy being outdoors?"
This shares your activity and asks a related question, making it easy to respond.
Use Humor (Carefully)
A light, positive joke or observation can break the ice, but be cautious. Humor is subjective, and sarcasm or edgy jokes can easily misread. Stick to friendly, inclusive humor that's unlikely to offend. A simple, warm observation about the situation can work:
"So this is the part where we pretend we're not both a little nervous?"
Reference the Current Moment
Since you're both online at the same time, reference that shared experience:
- "What made you decide to hop on Manchester Chat today?"
- "First time video chatting with strangers, or are you a pro?"
- "It's late/early where you are—what's your usual schedule like?"
Be Authentic
Don't try to be someone you're not in your opener. If you're naturally funny, let that show. If you're more thoughtful, ask insightful questions. Authenticity attracts people who will appreciate the real you, leading to more meaningful connections.
What NOT to Say
Avoid these first-message pitfalls:
- Sexual or suggestive comments
- Negative or complaining statements
- Interrogation-style rapid-fire questions
- Bragging or boasting
- Generic pickup lines that don't fit the context
Examples of Strong Openers
Here are a few templates to adapt:
- The Observation: "That's a fascinating [item in background]. What's the story behind it?"
- The Shared Experience: "So we both ended up here today—what's your usual reason for checking out random chat?"
- The Lighthearted: "Quick—favorite movie or TV show right now? Go!"
- The Curious: "If you could instantly master any skill, what would it be and why?"
If They Don't Respond Well
Sometimes your opener won't land, and that's okay. If the conversation doesn't flow, it's likely not a match—and that's fine! Just click "Next" and try again. Every connection is practice, and the right person will respond positively to your genuine approach.
Related Articles
Continue reading: